Friday, August 21

Enjoying God's company

Everytime I am alone at home or out running errands, I would often crave for another person's company. You know, a real human person other than a substitute like a book or the radio. A real human person that is not around by chance, but rather by choice to spend time with you.

With that Someone, I'd love to talk to her. Tell her about stuff and to hear her thoughts regarding things, current affairs, life in general, school, work or even the weather.

It doesn't really matter. I'd just love to listen and talk.

And to tell you guys the truth, this does not happen quite often especially since my social life is very, very pathetic. I would like to say that its pathetic by choice, but it is not. It was at first a choice, but now its sticking with me even though I don't really like the situation I am in right now.

It is sometimes painful to see throngs of girls talking and laughing at the mall or friends' facebook pictures filled with their friends doing funny poses(and sometimes mine too) and I am missing in there. Everywhere.

Honestly, sometimes it hurts so bad that I am missing out so much fun and excitement and that I am missing out on people's life. I'd just think I'm missing out on life.

Yet sometimes when I do manage to have company it gets rather boring. I find myself bored to death and I regret going out in the first place. I'd crave to be alone there and then so that I would not need to entertain the other party or worry that I am so boring that the person won't ever, ever want to go out with me every again.

I know that I am supposed to enjoy being with myself before others would even enjoy being with me. I totally know that. But how am I supposed to enjoy being with myself when I don't even get a break from myself? I haven't even got an out-of-the-body experience mind you.

Before I figure that out, I certainly do know that I am okay with being alone by myself. I am okay with that. Its just that there might be chances that not being alone is better that is bothering me.

And while I am somewhat forced to be alone, I might as well learn several things along the way:

1. Treasuring God's company (He is always, always with me even when the whole world walks out)
2. Treasuring my own company (I may be the most boring person for all I care, but as long as I don't bore me out its still cool)
3. Treasuring subsitute human company (Books might be the essence of people's thoughts which are what I am interested anyway. So are funny youtube videos. etc)
4. Bettering myself as a person by praying, reading the bible, and trusting Jesus to complete His work in me.

I am feeling better already. Thanks guys.


Blogger su said...

how can you be a boring person yvonne. you heard a song on the sounds system and you tried to buy it. this is not what boring people are made of.

Fri Aug 21, 08:03:00 PM  
Anonymous deb said...

i know how you feel, i think. sometimes i think how good it is if my life was more 'happening'. but i think, it's always give and take, and if i'd gotten, like, clubbing friends, i might have missed out on the chicken wing dinners. :/ (and that's just not worth the risk)

Tue Sep 08, 09:42:00 PM  

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