blessings in disguise

Today i'm too lazy to think and i just want to thank ms jo teo for ordering us to go to mass on friday. it was, needless to say, a good experience. first of all, going to the mass meant that i've visited the prayer room twice this year, which is quite a record. secondly, there was free food afterwards. (too bad i already had my lunch beforehand.) thirdly, going to mass on friday meant that i didn't have to go again today, so i could sleep in. :)

But most significantly, the sermon was really good. the priest basically said that when God gave humans free will, He no longer has any control over the decisions that we make. even when God wants to help, He is unable to intervene due to our free will. it is only when we give Him permission to change things that he will assist us in our troubles.

sometimes, we go around angrily wondering where God is when we need Him. but He's always there, and we're the ones who are blind.

sometimes, all you have to do, is ask.

i hope i never forget that.

I thank God for the things that I never have.

The evil sore throat taught me something:
Thank God I possess a talking mouth.
For that mouth, I can talk on the telephone.
For that mouth, I can communicate without relying on the ever slow process of typing and writing.
For that mouth, I can eat peacefully.
For that mouth, I can tell everyone that I love them.
For that mouth, I can shout for help.
For that mouth, I can speak my grievances.
For that mouth, I can sing.

(oh yes i can, wait and see!)

just another list

i am thankful that my loved ones are alive thus far.

i am thankful for godparents. it is like knowing that there is a stranger somewhere out there who is always looking out for you.

this is going to sound weird but i am thankful for indecisiveness, laziness, gluttony, irresponsibility, insensitivity, inability to let go, stubbornness, and every other vice that i have been blessed with.

i am thankful for J.K. Rowling and her books. while people out there are debating about their religious issues, i will continue cherishing all the things i've picked up and come to love from the books. i have to be vague because if i elaborate you will just laugh at me, haha.

i am thankful for you because you have just wasted precious minutes reading this. how sweet. now you may go back to doing more productive things.

i will try to do this without sounding too lesbianic

i thank you. for being there, to say things i could never throw out of my mouth myself. i thank you, for doing these things, because i will never have the courage to. i thank you, for saying these things that make me feel not too guilty about not doing something. i thank you, because you are not normal. and somewhere in the darkest recesses of my mind i feel normal comparative to you. then i thank you. for not suspecting these despicable things about me. and lastly, i thank you. for letting me love you in my own little way.

you don't know who you are. because there's something holding me back from revealing your name. nevertheless, to you i will always be grateful.

and i'm thankful for Mr Tan. i am. even if i'm too hypocritical to show it in class. (i'm not being sarcastic. don't eyeball me that way.)

tomorrow

i am going to die.

i wish i didnt have to. 12 minutes from now it will be all over.

whys and hows arent important. but as i sit here exercising my finger muscles i just wish i could have cherished my friends a little more. i wish i had not wasted my breath on bad remarks, insults, grudges, anger, hate.

i wish i had tried harder. i wish i hadnt kept brooding so much, and i wish i had gone on with other things instead of letting past failures get in the way of new opportunities. i wish i had done so many things. i wish i hadnt done so many wrongs.

i wish i could have made more people smile, i wish i could have saved people from their burden. i wish i hadnt added more to their burden.

but most of all, i just wish i could see you, my friend, one more time, so i could tell you all these.

...

oh well. thankfully i still can.

i lied about dying.

but not about everything else.