Thursday, April 8

here's what i've been grateful for recently

... Friends, in law school.

over the last few weeks I've been doing a lot of group work in school and as much as I would like to like everyone, there has been one person who has infuriated me a lot. A lot. The worst part is, I could always get along with her previously, but that may be because I have never talked to her on my own, in one shot, for any longer than fifteen minutes. :|

So, OK, there will be people that I find infuriating in law school. Consequently there will definitely be people that I absolutely cannot stand when I eventually start working. which is why I am so, so very grateful that I have found the few friends I can keep company with for longer than fifteen minutes.

Wednesday, April 7

Things I'd Never Say Anymore


Recently a close friend accused me of not loving her. I got so angry that I wanted to list down the reasons why she was so wrong about it. I wanted to list down all the stuff I did for her on a regular basis, ongoing stuff and sacrifices that SHE KNOWS about. Stuff that stamps "I love you" all over the place. And yes, the number of times I actually SAID the 3 words to her.

But of course, I didn't since I was simply so shocked that I didn't even know where to begin refuting something as dumb as why monkeys can't churn out shakespeare works even if they banged at the keyboard for infinity.

It would have really sucked if not for the fact that MY love for her was not based on HER love for me or HER knowledge of MY love for her. So in other words, my love wasn't contingent on HER.

Okay the point.

The point is, I myself have accused people of not loving me out of spite or when I feel neglected and the other party doesn't seem to want to give me MORE attention for very good reasons. And now that I've been the target of such an accusation, I don't think I would want to say that to anyone anymore whether it is true or not.

Because if it is true that the person does love me, I would be ungrateful to say otherwise. And if the person does not love me, telling the person that would not change anything.

Afterall what really matters is that when all the fleeting feelings simmer and die down, love, responsibility and commitment kicks in and keeps the relationship going.

Now that is TRUE love. Thank you God for Your love.

Forgotten miracles?

It is a well known fact that I utterly lack discernment when it comes to human relations and that I think that most people are nice and uncapable of any evil. In a way it is true as those evil ones are already locked up in prisons, but sometimes there are many underlying politics amongst people which I am not even aware of and hence become an ignorant fool.

It is not utterly bad to not know everything. Because really, you don't need to know many many things in life to be happy. In fact, sometimes not knowing something, and hence acting ignorant disspates anger. e.g. I didn't even know I was offended!

Whatever it is, no matter how much stupidity thats left in me, I must really thank God that while I've been cheated several times along the way (i still think its my fault, and not the cheater's), I am still in one good piece after 21 years of existence.

And along the way, you get sympathy votes (people become less mean because they don't view you as a threat) and really, you get to see see who cares for you (and smack you on the head for being so dumb).

p.s. i pray for wisdom everyday.

Monday, April 5

5 years old!

i scrolled to the bottom of this page today and realised that this blog was five years old! Considering our age, this is truly an achievement and something to be thankful for.

and to the two of you: i am truly fortunate to have you in my life.

i am speaking so formally now because i'm in the middle of reading academic articles.